


Coming up Now out of the Blue

by Jaibesoindunbiscuit



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-07-25 11:32:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7531069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaibesoindunbiscuit/pseuds/Jaibesoindunbiscuit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He understands why they think she can fix his brain. He doesn't understand why they think he'll let her try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"What'd I do?"

He doesn't remember what happened, but he doesn't need to. He knows exactly why his arm is in a vice, why Wilson looks so on edge and Steve looks so tired. It's not like he's surprised or anything. Of course someone hijacked his brain. It was only a matter of time, really. He's used to it by now. He's used to being used, used to being whatever people need him to be. He's even missed it, that feeling of knowing exactly what he was supposed to be doing and not having to worry about anything else. He's missed being needed at all, really; sometimes he's even caught himself almost missing Hydra. Being their lab rat wasn't easy, but sometimes being alone is harder. 

Being alone is still easier than trying to be Bucky.

 

"I can't control their fear."

She's used to being manipulated. She's used to people telling her anything, lying to her, to get what they want. "You'll be helping your country." "We'll build a better world." "We will protect you." And for some reason she keeps believing them; it's just easier that way. So when Clint says that Captain America needs them, she hesitates for a moment, but only a moment. If she has to choose between a battle or being locked in a tower she'll choose the battle every time. Because it's better to be needed than to be useless. It's better to be fighting than to be sitting around listening to all the different people on TV call her a monster and a murderer. 

Because she keeps believing them, too.

 

He knows who she is, of course, and he's seen what she can do. She saved his life at the airport, and helped give him and Steve the chance to escape. She gave up her freedom to do it, too. He's already added that to his list of things to feel guilty about.

So, yes, he's well aware of who she is, and he understands why they think she can fix his brain. He doesn't understand why they think he'll let her try. 

He's been arguing with Steve about it for an hour now, repeating the same things over and over. It's too dangerous, there has to be some other way, just put me back in cryo again. The doctors finally gave up and left him and Steve to it, but she's been standing there silently the whole time, watching him. Studying him.

Finally he snaps and practically growls, "I don't want her to go in my head." 

Steve sighs and turns to Wanda to apologize, but she cuts him off. "Why don't you go tell T'Challa that your friend is awake?" 

Steve seems surprised, but when she doesn't move or say anything else he leaves the room.

He's tense. Rationally, he knows there's no need to be. She won't hurt him. But he still watches her carefully as she takes a few steps forward. He braces himself for a new argument.

"What should I call you?" she asks.

It catches him so off guard that he just stares at her stupidly.

"What should I call you?" She repeats. "Mr. Barnes, or..."

"Bucky," he answers once he understands. She nods seriously, and he's oddly touched.

"Bucky," she says. "I believe Steve is approaching this the wrong way. How can you be expected to trust me enough to allow me to go into your mind when you do not even know me? Or what my powers are capable of?"

He thinks he should say something about her saving his life, thank her probably, but he's too emotionally drained to think about all that anymore right now. So he lets the moment pass.

"I can do this," she says, "I can help you. And I do not think there will ever be a better way." She speaks with so much conviction that a tiny, traitorous part of him wants to agree with her.

"But," she continues, "these things cannot be rushed. I know Steve misses you, but that does not mean we should not proceed carefully."

"What exactly are you saying?" he asks. He's too tired to work it out, just wants the conversation to end.

"I am saying that you should not make a decision now. Think about it, perhaps get to know me better, gain a better understanding of my powers, then decide."

He's staring at her again. He's suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude, and he wants to tell her. Tell her how grateful he is that she's not trying to pressure him, that she genuinely seems to care about what he wants. He doesn't understand why she would care, but he's grateful anyway. 

She turns to leave before he can figure out how to put the words together, though.

"Wait" he finally manages, stopping her just before she walks through the door. "What am I supposed to call you?"

She actually smiles for the first time that he's ever seen. "My name is Wanda." 

Later, he promises himself that the next time he sees Wanda, he'll thank her. For everything.

 

Wanda waits to make a move for a long time. And she's not sure why. Bucky's handsome, obviously, ridiculously so, and she knows that he finds her attractive, but that hardly even enters into it. They understand each other so well, and he's the only person she's ever known that she can talk to for hours on end. She's told him things she's never told anyone else, like how red isn't her favorite color anymore and how before her parents were killed she had dreams of being a doctor. He respects her powers but still watches her back. He does his best to help her through her nightmares, even on the nights when his are worse. But above all, Bucky trusts her completely, isn't scared of her and never has been.

Wanda knows that she'll have to make the first move, be the one to bring it up, but she waits. For what, she's not exactly sure, but the moment never seems quite right, and she can never quite make herself say the words.

Finally she decides that words are overrated anyway and just kisses him. He stiffens, and for a moment she's terribly afraid that she's read everything wrong and crossed a line and she should have said something first Oh God. 

But then Bucky actually relaxes for once and wraps both his arms around her, pulling her in close.

They don't tell the others until Tony confronts them about it at the holiday party (they may have all made peace but that doesn't mean that Tony Stark has learned how to be tactful). Steve is beaming and Sam looks smug, like he knew all along, and Natasha of course really did know all along. None of the others seem all that surprised except Pietro. Whenever Bucky even looks at Wanda over the next few days, Pietro will speed in out of nowhere and hover protectively. Wanda is annoyed, but Bucky doesn't really seem to mind. When she asks why he reminds her quietly that he had a sister once. 

She feels terrible for forgetting.

 

He carefully packs his bag, making sure nothing gets left behind. Clothes, money, weapons, everything he needs to get away for awhile, to get some air. He won't be gone long, maybe a few weeks. Maybe a couple of months. The thought of coming back here exhausts him, and he hasn't even left yet. 

He's so focused on not forgetting anything that he doesn't even really register Wanda's presence until she asks, "So where are we going?"

Her arms are crossed and she's got her own bag thrown over her shoulder. She seems a little uncertain, though, and he knows that if he tells her he wants to go by himself she won't put up a fight.

He looks her over, thinks about it for a minute. He feels like he should be protesting: he can take care of himself, he doesn't need her to come with him, he just needs some space, he'll be fine. But that would be lying, wouldn't it?

Then, belatedly, it dawns on him that she didn't try to convince him not to leave, didn't try to guilt him into staying. And that she's been sitting there watching him think without trying to rush him or influence him in any way. And he's reminded of how careful Wanda is to respect his wishes and his boundaries, and to always give him the chance to make his own decisions. How she stands up for him and supports him and how patient she is with him. How she tries so hard to take care of him and help him get better. And how he wants to do the same for her.

Something in his expression must give him away, because Wanda starts smiling.

"Well, I've always wanted to see the Grand Canyon," Bucky finally says.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here comes the angst. The next chapter is a little happier, I swear.
> 
> Trigger warnings for Bucky's mental health issues- so PTSD, OCD, anxiety attacks, and brief mentions of self harm. I think that's everything.

Going on a road trip with Bucky Barnes is not like going on a road trip with anyone else.

Before they can even leave the apartment, Bucky insists on going through their bags dozens of times, making sure they have everything they could possibly need. She can't help but notice that he purposely doesn’t pack his phone.

Before they can even leave the tower, Bucky has to check the car for bugs and bombs, combing over every inch (inside and out, on top and underneath) at least a hundred times before he's satisfied.

Before they can even make it out of the city, Bucky spots a black SUV in the rear-view mirror and uses up most of their gas trying to lose it, although neither of them sees it again after the first turn.

Before they can even make it out of the state, Bucky has a full blown anxiety attack. They've stopped at a motel for the night, and the paranoia and the tension finally, inevitably, reach their peak. The door to their room is flimsy, and the top latch won't bolt properly, and the owner looked at them a second too long as he handed over the key, and it all sends Bucky over the edge. He's panicking and he's pacing around the room, knitting his eyebrows and biting his lip. He's started rubbing his shoulder, too, where the metal and the scars meet. He's going in circles, muttering to himself all the while. Every time he gets near the door he turns the bottom lock and twists it back into place to make sure it's done properly, and then he starts another circuit around the room. It goes on and on and on. 

Wanda thinks he's forgotten that she's even there, so she steps in front of the window to get out of his way until he wears down. She’s been standing there for a few minutes when he suddenly lunges forward, grabbing her upper arms and dragging her to the other side of the room. She's startled, to say the least, and he meets her eyes for just a second as he mumbles something about a sniper. He's still gripping onto her arms tightly, but she doesn't care because she's so worried about him.

He'd been doing better.

They broke the conditioning ages ago. He didn't have to worry about waking up to find that he had been used to hurt people again; he could focus on trying to recover from the decades of torture and trauma.

And it was going well. As well as could be expected. Recovery was a painfully slow process, of course. But he had genuinely been getting better, with fewer nightmares and anxiety attacks. He'd been relaxing, opening up a little more: palling around with Steve and Sam, sparring with Natasha, having good-natured competitions at the range with Clint, even wrapping his arm around Wanda in public, much to Pietro's chagrin. Bucky had been talking and laughing and just...better.

Then a couple of weeks ago he started withdrawing again, not much, but enough to be noticeable. And once the downward spiral started he quickly got worse, becoming quiet and moody, avoiding conversation and people in general. He wasn’t sleeping, he wasn’t eating, and she could feel his nerves coiling tighter and tighter. She was hardly surprised when she found him packing a bag; she was shocked, however, that he let her come with him. 

As hard as it is to see him in this state, she’s glad that she’s here, because she can stop him from accidentally (or intentionally) hurting himself. When he has these attacks he can get so wrapped up in his fractured thoughts that he’ll rub at his shoulder until it’s raw, or he’ll grab one of his knives and not pay attention to how he’s holding it and slice his hand. Once she came home to find blood running down his chin; he’d bitten clean through his tongue in an effort to keep himself from screaming. She thinks about all the time he spent alone before they found him in Romania, and she can’t help but shudder. 

She needs to focus on what’s happening right now, not worry about past harm that she can’t do anything about.

His eyes are darting around the room and he's murmuring something in Russian about vantage points and targets and security measures. At least he's not pacing anymore; he's just standing there, holding on to her desperately, like if he loosens his grip for even a second she'll be torn away from him.

Slowly, making sure he sees the movement out of the corner of his eye, she brings her hands up and starts running them along his arms. He closes his eyes and finally stops mumbling, but he tenses up, too, and his grip on her tightens even more. She doesn't know if she's making things better or worse. Sometimes when he has an attack he wants to be held, wants her to wrap herself around him and whisper in his ear until he can breathe again, but other times the slightest touch will make everything come rushing in and he'll go into a frenzy. The only way to know what he wants ahead of time is to look into his mind, which he usually asks her to do when he feels an attack coming on. But he hasn't asked this time, and she won't ever use her powers on him unless he gives her explicit permission.

So she just keeps rubbing her hands up and down his arms, from his forearms to his biceps, as far as she can reach with the hold he still has on her, ready to spring into action if he snaps. His eyes are closed tightly and he doesn't move; he's barely even breathing. 

They stay like that for a long, long time.

Finally, once her arms are numb and her legs are starting to shake from the nerves and standing still for so long, he just...unravels. His hands drop to his sides, his head tips forward against hers, and his breath comes in violent gasps. 

She's holding onto him, now, trying to keep him from falling.

When he's started breathing normally again, she uses her powers to shut the curtains and pulls him over to the bed. He sits down, scrubbing his metal hand over his face and through his hair. She's not sure if she should sit down with him or give him some space, so she waits for him to show her what he wants. He glances up when he senses her hesitation, and she can tell he's exhausted, but he also looks better than he's looked in weeks. He looks present, and aware, and a little like Bucky again.

He lies back, tugging her down with him, and once they're both situated she wraps her arms around him and snuggles into his chest. When he clears his throat and tries to apologize she just shakes her head and holds him a little tighter.

 

 

They don't talk about it for a long time. They focus on getting out, getting away, and they don't stop unless they absolutely have to. He's better than he was, he's not radiating terror and misery anymore, but he's very quiet and there's definitely still something wrong.

He's the one who finally brings it up, and he's as much at a loss as she is. 

"I don't know what set it off. Set me off." He’s frustrated. "I mean everything was ok for once, everything was going fine. Why...?" He can't finish the question, just clenches his fists around the steering wheel so hard she thinks he might break it.

"Maybe that is why," she says slowly. "Maybe everything was ok, so you became convinced that something bad would happen soon and ruin it. And you got tenser and tenser waiting for this inevitable bad thing." 

She can feel him looking at her, and she knows it's clear that she's speaking from experience. 

"Maybe," he agrees after a while.

And they leave it at that. Because sometimes the reasons for the attacks are obvious, like he has a terrible nightmare or he sees a man who reminds him of Zola. But most of the time the reasons aren't obvious, and there isn't any logical explanation.

For Bucky or for Wanda.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I lied. This chapter was supposed to be happy, but it isn't. Next chapter, I promise.
> 
> This time we see some of Wanda's mental health issues, like her anxiety and depression.

As soon as Bucky agreed to let her come with him, Wanda sent a text to Pietro and Steve. It said that she and Bucky were taking a much-needed vacation and that she wasn't sure when they'd be back. It said that she’d explain everything when they came home and that they’d be careful.

When Pietro sees it, he simply asks her to stay safe and leaves it at that. He knows by now that she's just as stubborn as he is protective, so when she feels the need to wander it's best not to try to stop her. And as much as he enjoys giving Bucky a hard time, Pietro actually likes him and thinks of him as a close friend (he confessed this one night after getting drunk on Asgardian mead, to everyone's everlasting amusement). So he trusts Bucky and Wanda enough to know that if they’re leaving, it’s for a good reason.

Steve, however, does not respond well. He had left on a long mission before Bucky’s downward spiral even started, and he doesn’t get Wanda’s text until almost a week after she sent it. She answers when he calls, taking a walk around the new motel while Bucky is in the shower. She doesn’t feel like she has to hide that she’s talking to Steve, but she also doesn’t want Bucky to feel guilty or pressured in any way.

Apparently Steve has just gotten back to the Tower and expected the two of them to be home already. Wanda explains that they’re going to need more time, repeating over and over again that everything’s fine and they just need some time off. Steve must be able to tell she’s holding something back, though, because he keeps asking questions, sounding more and more concerned, until finally Wanda admits that everything isn’t fine, that Bucky isn’t doing very well and hasn't been for a while. 

Steve goes from worried friend to stern commander in a split second. “You’re part of a team now,” he reminds her firmly, “you can’t just disappear whenever you want.” 

He insists that she put Bucky on the phone and that they both come back to the Tower immediately. 

She knows that falling back on the Captain America persona is Steve’s coping mechanism, but she can’t help but take it personally. Instead of supporting her, like she hoped he would, Steve’s treating her like a kidnapper holding Bucky hostage.

So she gets mad, and she snaps. She tells Steve that they have no intention of coming back any time soon, team be damned. 

Then she says, “And I think it should be fairly clear that Bucky does not want to talk to you right now, Captain, since he did leave his phone behind.” 

-I’m the one he wants to talk to- is clearly implied.

There’s this long, painful pause.  
She feels ashamed of herself and opens her mouth to apologize when Steve says in a horrible voice, “Well, Wanda, if Bucky is having problems, it probably isn’t the smartest thing for you to take him away from people who can actually help him.”

She’s not sure which hurts worse: the implication that she’s being immature or the implication that she’s going to make everything worse. Probably the last one, since she’s already pretty terrified that that’s exactly what she’s doing. 

Bucky hasn’t had another attack, but he hasn’t improved over the past week, either. If anything, he’s gotten moodier and more withdrawn. Whenever she tries to start a conversation, no matter what about, he snaps that he doesn’t want to talk and turns on the radio. He hardly even looks at her, but when he does he seems miserable. They’re staying at a motel tonight for the first time since his attack; most nights Bucky just drives until he’s exhausted then pulls over and sleeps for an hour or two before starting again. Those are the only times they stop except for at gas stations, where Bucky buys them protein bars and water while the car fills up. If she takes longer than he does in the convenience store he’ll get impatient (he never says anything but she can tell), although as soon as they get moving again he drives slowly and aimlessly; now that they’re out of the state he doesn’t seem to be in a rush to get anywhere. She doesn't know if he’s still planning on going to the Grand Canyon eventually or not.

Every time she goes in one of those gas station bathrooms she’s afraid that this will be the day he drives off without her. She doesn’t know why he hasn’t already. She’d been glad that she was here, at first, but now she feels superfluous, in the way, like she’s more of an annoyance than anything else. She feels like excess baggage.

The fear and the doubt are getting to her. She wants so badly to give Bucky what he needs, but she has no idea what that is any more. She’s not sure if he needs comfort, or space, or tough love. She hasn’t been this uncertain around him since the very first conversation they ever had, when she wasn’t even sure what his name was. Last week he told her, for the first time since that same conversation, that he doesn't want her going into his head. That hurt a lot more than she thought it would.

She doesn't know how to help him without her powers; she feels useless. She’s worried that Steve’s right, that she should have tried to convince Bucky to stay at the Tower, even though he probably would have hated her for it. At the Tower, Sam or Natasha could have helped him, or anyone, really, anyone other than her. She doesn’t know why she ever thought she would be capable of making him better when she can’t be better herself. Of course Steve’s right: she is making everything worse. Isn’t that what she always does, make everyone’s lives worse?

And instead of confessing all this to Steve, like she knows she should, she hangs up and won't answer when he calls back. 

That's when the texts start.

Bucky’s out of the shower by the time she storms back into the room, eyes glowing red. He watches her hurl her phone, now turned off, into the bottom of her bag.

She collapses onto the bed. Bucky doesn’t say anything: he just goes back into the bathroom and closes the door, but Wanda’s glad. 

She hates it when people see her cry.

 

Looking back on it later, Wanda knows she didn't handle the phone call well. She let her fear get the better of her, once again. It's not like she doesn't understand why Steve is so concerned: Bucky has a history of disappearing, after all. She can imagine how terrified she would be if she came home from a mission to find that Bucky had left without so much as a word. Steve must be worried sick, and is probably feeling guilty that he wasn’t around while this was all happening (which is ridiculous, but that’s Steve for you, always blaming himself). She can also imagine how much it must hurt his feelings that his best friend doesn’t want to talk to him. And instead of explaining what was happening, she was absolutely horrible to him. 

She still has no intention of going back to the Tower, though.

After she had calmed down a bit, she asked Bucky point blank if he was sure he didn’t just want to go home. The bleak look he gave her was answer enough. He did her the courtesy of at least pretending to think it over, though, before shaking his head and speaking to her for the first time in days, saying that he didn’t think he could go back without having another attack. And frankly, she’s relieved, because she doesn’t want to go back, either.

She does feel terrible about the things she said to Steve. Until, that is, she turns her phone on again and sees all of the missed calls and texts, some of which are surprisingly nasty. She had forgotten how ruthless Steve can be when someone he cares about is in trouble. She's half tempted to respond in kind and keep the fight going, but then she glances over at Bucky. He’s watching her out of the corner of his eye, and he looks concerned. The last thing she wants to do is give him something else to worry about. So Wanda puts the phone away and tells him a story about the time Pietro tried to show off for some girls and climbed a tree. His pants got caught on a branch, and he finally had to rip them off so he could get back down. 

Bucky doesn’t laugh, but he doesn’t look so gloomy, either. So she keeps talking.

 

She calls Sam the next time they stop for gas, explaining what happened and begging her friend to tell her if this was all a mistake. She knows that if anyone can understand Bucky’s mental state better than her, it's Sam. He's been one of the most helpful people in Bucky's recovery process, what with his own experiences in the military and his years at the VA. He listens to everything she tells him (which is a lot, she can’t seem to stop trying to justify herself). When she’s done, there’s a pause, and she thinks she might be sick.

“Look, this isn’t an easy situation, and I don’t think there are any right answers,” he finally says, “but for what it’s worth I do think you handled it the best anyone could.”

“Really?” she asks, beyond surprised. A huge wave of relief washes over her.

“Yeah, really. Don’t tell Steve I said that, though.”

He then promises that he’ll talk to Steve for her, even though she doesn’t ask him to. 

He must work his magic, because the calls and texts stop, and there's nothing from Steve but silence.

Which somehow isn’t a whole lot better.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is guys: the end. It takes place right after the last chapter, so Wanda has just gotten off the phone with Sam.  
> Thank you so much for reading my strange little story; it means a lot.  
> And full warning: Bucky uses some bad language words. And is kind of a nerd.

Wanda hurries out to the car, not wanting to make Bucky have to wait any longer than necessary. She hops in and buckles her seat belt before she notices something odd: there are the usual water bottles and protein bars, yes, but there's also an iced coffee in the cup holder. She takes a sip; it’s a mocha. Then she notices the giant bag of M&M’s on the console. So her favorite drink and her favorite snack.

And even odder: Bucky doesn't start the engine right away. He seems to be struggling to make himself say something, and it hits her like a ton of bricks. She knows what's coming next.

"It's fine," she cuts him off before he can start. "You don’t have to say anything." That just makes him more determined to talk, apparently, so she says, "No, really, I understand. I would not want me here either." She's trying to unbuckle her seatbelt, but she can't seem to work the stupid latch.

"What?" He’s looking at her like she's insane. "What are you talking about?"

He’s giving her this endearingly confused look, but then his face drops. "Wait, you think... Jesus, Wanda, I'm not asking you to leave."

"I would not blame you if you did," she says quietly.

"No. No, no, no," he says. "I was just… I was trying to say sorry." He sighs. "I've really fucked things up, haven't I? I always fuck things up." He leans forward, his head falling against the steering wheel with a thump. “I’m so sorry. You’ve been so good to me, and I’ve been horrible to you. I don’t know why you’re still here.” His voice grows quieter. “Every time we stop at one of these dumb gas stations, I’m terrified that you’re finally going to do the right thing and run away from me as fast as you can.”

She thinks back over everything he’s done lately, remembers how agitated he got whenever she took a long time to get back to the car, how he didn’t want to stop at all if he could help it. She’s misinterpreted the situation horribly. She thought he was acting out of irritation, but it was fear all along.

“I thought I was making things worse,” she says, to fill the silence.

He sits up straight. “Are you joking? Are you JOKING? The only reason I haven’t gone completely nuts is because you’re here.”

“I thought you were going to be the one to leave,” she confesses, staring intently at her coffee as she swirls the straw around. “I thought that I’d come out of the gas station and you would be gone.”

He doesn’t say anything for a long time, and she finally glances up at him. He looks horrified. “You thought I would just abandon you out here?”

“You thought I would do the same to you.”

They’re looking each other in the eye for the first time in what feels like ages.

“Bucky…”

“No, Wanda,” he says seriously, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know I’ve been shitty, but I never thought…” he lets out this frustrated noise, “I don’t ever want you to feel like I don’t want you around. I do, always.” She gives him a look. “Ok, fine, not 24/7, I need space occasionally…”

“Like any human being."

“Yes, yes, but I don’t ever want you to feel like I don’t want you. Because that’s the opposite of true, sweetheart. I love you.”

It’s certainly not the first time he’s said that, but it may be the most important time.

“I love you, too, you know. And I think we both fucked up,” she says. She considers it a little more and can’t help but chuckle. “You know, really, we’re perfect for each other. We’re both such idiots.”

She opens the bag of M&M’s and starts eating them with her normal system: eat the blue ones first, so Pietro can’t steal them, and pick the red ones out for Bucky. 

He’s watching her with a fond smile. She offers him a red M&M and smiles back.

 

It’s as if the dark clouds surrounding them have been blown away. It finally feels like they're on a trip together, rather than just trying to escape or wandering aimlessly. A lot of it is an act, both of them putting on brave faces, like they’ve made a tacit agreement to try harder for the other’s sake. But things really are a little better.

They're stopping more often, sitting down in diners and restaurants to eat. One day Wanda asks the waitress what there is to do in whichever town they're in today, she can’t remember its name. The waitress tells Wanda about a haunted graveyard nearby which was once supposedly a meeting place for a coven, and before Wanda can even process her excitement Bucky’s asking the waitress to draw a map on a napkin.

This starts a routine: Wanda will ask the waiters, waitresses, and gas station clerks about what there is to see in the area, and Bucky will take her to visit anything that sounds interesting or strange. She makes sure to take pictures with the camera Tony gave her on the last day of Hanukkah (and which Peter has been showing her how to use). She can't wait to show some of them to Pietro, like the pictures of the Nuclear Waste Adventure Trail and the World's Largest Ball of Twine, because she knows that without photographic evidence he'll never believe these things actually exist.

She's decided to make the most out of this rare opportunity to enjoy herself and worry about the consequences later, and it seems like Bucky has, too. He tells her ridiculous facts about American history and space, and he grins when she can't tell which ones are true and which ones he makes up. He holds her hand, and he taps his foot when a good song comes on the radio. And sometimes they don't make it to a motel: he'll pull over and push the seat back as she climbs onto his lap, and she'll tangle her hands in his hair as he kisses her senseless.

 

"So," she asks with a smile, "what do you think?"

He doesn't even bother to respond, staring around in awe.

They’ve finally, finally made it to the Grand Canyon. It was a difficult trip, and it took much longer than it should have, but it was worth it. 

Wanda had worried that it wouldn't live up to Bucky’s expectations. This was something he'd wanted to do since before Hydra, before the war, since he was a child, really, and she knows that things are going to be different from how he pictured them. 

But the modernization delights him. He’s enthralled by the glass platform ("Skywalk!" he corrects her indignantly). He badgers all of the park rangers with questions. They take a helicopter tour, they go hiking, and they watch the sun set and rise.

They’re camping, which Wanda wasn't sure about, since she thought it would remind her too much of being homeless in Sokovia. And it does bring up old memories, but surprisingly she doesn't hate it. It turns out sleeping in a tent by choice instead of necessity can actually be... nice. Especially when she’s sharing the tight quarters with Bucky and not her hyperactive, snoring brother.

In fact, she's enjoying all of this almost as much as Bucky is: she’s always loved nature and the outdoors. Her family used to take trips to national parks when she was little. Her mother and Pietro would both groan and complain, though, so eventually Wanda and her father started going alone. They didn't talk much on these trips, but that was kind of the point. They would get up as early as possible and drive for hours, crossing borders they weren't technically supposed to cross and spending money on petrol that they really couldn't afford. But as her papa said, "It was worth a little trouble to be able to breathe and think freely." Her mother had rolled her eyes with a smile, but Wanda knew exactly what he meant. Even after all these years, after the memories of her parents have faded to the point where sometimes she forgets what they looked like, those trips she and her father took, and the lakes and trees and waterfalls they saw, are still crystal clear in her mind. 

She tells Bucky all this one morning while they're waiting for sunrise. She can tell he's surprised, because she never talks about her childhood if she can help it. He listens quietly and looks touched that she's sharing this with him.

"Papa would have liked you," she says, and she knows it's the truth.

 

They've finally decided it's time to leave, but Wanda insisted that Bucky get one last look, because who knows if they'll ever make it back here? So they're standing on a spot that a ranger recommended, and she was right. The view is spectacular. And miraculously, they're alone, even though it's a beautiful day.

Well, OK, not miraculously. Wanda may have been using her powers to make other people avoid the place. Normally she doesn't like to manipulate people like that, not anymore, but every now and then it's necessary. And Bucky deserves this quiet moment.

The look on his face says it all. He's not smiling, but he looks...open, unfiltered in a way he hasn't in a while.

He's been happier since that conversation in the car, yes, but she knows he's at least partially been playing a part for her benefit. And as much as she appreciates that effort, she appreciates this more. Seeing him standing there, just reacting, not worrying about how a normal person should react and adjusting his face accordingly, really is kind of miraculous. 

This is the Bucky she fell in love with. The man who, despite everything that's happened to him and been done to him, was strong enough to still have a tiny bit of hope. Who was willing to trust her (her of all people) enough to let her see all his secrets.  
This is her Bucky, and she's missed him so much. 

And there's no way in hell she's going to let anyone intrude on this moment.

 

They’re heading back to the Tower. It’s time; they’re both as ready as they’ll ever be. They’re not in a hurry, though, so Wanda asks Bucky to stop so she can stretch her legs. There are a bunch of pretty wild flowers by the road, and since she forgot to charge the camera battery at the last motel (which is entirely Bucky's fault for distracting her all night long) she digs her phone out to take some pictures. By the time she comes back to the car Bucky is sprawled out with his arms behind his head, smiling as the sun hits his face. He looks utterly relaxed.

Of course she takes a picture. And she sends it to Steve without a second thought, because they always send each other pictures of Bucky and Natasha and all their teammates doing silly things and being happy. It's habit, even after weeks of not talking to Steve.

She hesitates for a second when she realizes what's happened, but she doesn't regret sending it. And she's certain it was the right thing to do, so she also sends "I'm really sorry".

They've started driving again when Steve responds.

"I'm sorry, too. We'll talk when you guys get back."

He takes a long time typing the next message, and she knows he's both struggling to hit the right tiny buttons and debating how much to say over the phone.

She’s missed her friend.

He finally sends, "Glad to see him so happy."

Her throat is tight as she answers, "Me too."

And she is. She's incredibly grateful that she gets to see Bucky so happy, that he let her come on this trip with him, that out of all the people in the world she's the one sitting next to him. She has no idea how she got so lucky. 

She doesn’t realize she’s started crying until Bucky squeezes her thigh and asks if she’s all right. She nods, and she smiles, and she says that she’s more than all right. And she knows it’s the truth.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the song "Cough Syrup".


End file.
